


The Communication of Souls

by JFaust



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Loss, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-09-17
Packaged: 2017-12-23 10:13:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/925151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JFaust/pseuds/JFaust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After three years Ed finally comes back to share his life with Winry, but is Winry still willing to give 85% of her life to Ed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Alright everybody this was my very first EDxWIN fanfic. This takes place post FMAB but before the family portrait, all of the spellings are from the Brotherhood version so sorry if they aren't the ones you like! If anyone has any thoughts please review so I know how to make this better!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own FMA.

Traveling back to Resembool was starting to seem like the longest trip ever, and Ed had been just about everywhere in the West at this point. More than likely the trip seemed longer because soon he would be able to see Al, Granny and Winry. He was definitely most nervous about seeing Winry since he hadn't spoken to her in two years and hadn't seen her in three. Considering the last time he had seen her he had technically proposed to her, he was excited to start living his life with her. Equally, he was anxious to see Al smiling and growing up in his body. He had talked to Alphonse about going home and combining their Alchemy and Alkahestry research information in two months. Listening to Al talk on the phone, he couldn't believe this was his LITTLE brother. His voice had dropped considerably and he didn't even want to think about how much taller he would no doubt be. As much as he didn't like his younger sibling out growing him, he knew he didn't really mind because at least Al was whole and human. No longer just a soul attached to hard armor. Cringing at the memory of Alphonse trapped by his mistakes, Ed tried to push the past from his mind and look forward to his future. Settling in for the rest of his ever lengthening ride, he dozed off to thoughts of silvery blond hair and sparkling blue eyes.

After what felt like forever they pulled up to the station in Resembool. Stretching largely, Ed tried to shake life back into his limbs. Grabbing the small amount he had brought back with him, he rose to exit the train. As he stepped onto the platform, Edward had taken his hair out of his trademark braid in favor of letting it fall in an open style nearly to his waist. Brushing the golden masses of hair had become much easier once he had regained his right arm, but he was still thinking of cutting it now that it had grown out so much. Making the trek to the Rockbell's was surprisingly easy considering he had certainly not maintained his automail leg. Of course he knew this would mean imminent pain, but even staring death down would look good as long it came in the form of Winry Rockbell. The closer he got the more he wondered how Winry would greet him. Would she beat him with her wrench for not calling or writing while in the West? Would she kiss him with those sweetly curved lips? Would she even still feel the same about him? Communication to outside world was hardly relevant in the West. He knew he could've called her when he had called Al but decided against it for the fun of surprising Granny and Winry. However now that he thought about it, maybe that hadn't been his best notion, Win was always getting on him to make an appointment and let them know he was heading back.

As he walked the small box in his pocket turned, poking his thigh uncomfortably. He would be more than happy to be done being bruised by the damn thing. Pausing to take it out and check for the hundredth time that it was indeed still inside the box and inside his pocket, he smiled at the idea that she would love the design he'd taken so much effort to get just right. Ed had been saving little pieces of sand, clay and terrain from his travels, and had a Western Alchemist make an incredible one of a kind wedding set for Winry. He had done this so she would know that he had thought of her along the whole way in his research and wandering. As distant as he went away she was never far from his heart. GAH! He was becoming such a woman, this was proof positive that he needed to hurry up and see his brilliant mechanic.

Finally coming down the dirt road towards the house, Den started make a path towards him, eager to get attention. Patting Den's head Ed figured from the delicious smell that is was dinnertime. The hungry growl coming from his stomach following this thought was confirmation of that fact. Ed walked quietly into the house and into the kitchen, where first he saw Granny and then a set of now shocked blue eyes.

"Ed! Wow you are home..." Winry was looking around as if bewildered and nervous, this certainly wasn't what he expected but at least it wasn't the wrench. As he started to make his way to her and pull her into his arms, he heard someone coming down the stairs. After a moment another person joined them in the room, he too was blond but it was not Alphonse. Walking up to Winry, he put a muscular arm around her shoulders, hugging tightly as if this were an easy, everyday gesture. A motion that had no emotion behind it, a fucking handshake. Winry spoke so softly he could barely hear her over the thundering of blood that pounded loudly in his ears. "Ed, this is William." Said idiot, blond male stepped forward to shake Ed's hand firmly.

"Nice to meet you Ed, I'm Win's boyfriend. I've heard a lot about you and your brother Alphonse." Disgust colored his expression for a instant at the shortening of Winry's name being used so loosely. Normally it was just Al and him that ever used that nickname, but apparently this bozo now had rights to it exclusively. 

Several awkward moments passed while Ed debated whether to take his automail leg and punt William's manly head to Amestris, throw Winry over his shoulder and leave, or storm out and never come back. In these seconds, Ed tried to pull his baleful look into a tight smile. The hand William had extended was automail-HIS FUCKING AUTOMAIL!!! He felt his face flinch as he noted this. Frowning, his eyes flickered to Winry's acknowledging that he understood this fact. In spite of this, he also stepped forward and extended his flesh hand as well.

"Edward Elric, nice arm you have there." Sarcasm might have been seeping through his facade.

"Yea it's the best, Winry gave it to me." 'Wonder what else she is 'giving' you?' He questioned inwardly. 

"I wouldn't have guessed!" He put his best astonished look on his face. Glancing to Winry, he noticed the horrified look on her face that this in fact was happening. Clearly the old hag was having no trouble piecing through his bullshit performance.

"Ed why don't you take your stuff upstairs and I'll get a plate around for you, you are probably hungry from trip, or from just being you." Truthfully, she had given him the best out for this uncomfortable situation that he was going to get. Nodding sharply in response, he began to leave the room but was stopped by Pinako's voice carrying to him. "After you eat, Winry can take a look at your leg, I can tell it hasn't been taken care of from your heaviness of step." Winry looked at Granny as if to say, 'I don't think him and I being stuck alone in the same room is a great idea' but Granny paid no mind. He mumbled a thank you to her and went upstairs.

He stepped into his room and let what little he had hit the floor loudly. Damn, in his utter surprise he had forgotten to ask them if they had heard from Al yet. His mind was reeling from this whole stream of crap. He just couldn't believe she had a boyfriend...who wasn't him. Clearly she had happily moved right on not even calling to let him know she wasn't going to be waiting anymore, but did she really need to one up that blow by fashioning an automail arm identical to Ed's old one? Was she trying to piss him off or hurt him? Maybe she was laughing at him right now for how stupid he had looked walking into that situation. No, she wouldn't do that but then again he never would have believed her capable of utterly destroying any hope for a happy life he had harbored. God, he could just picture them blissfully all these years, William taking Winry into his arms and pressing his mouth to hers. His fucking lips kissing a trail of desire down her neck and her arching her lovely body into it. At this thought Ed smashed his fist brutally into the wooden bed frame cruely splitting his hand. In attempt to calm himself he took a deep breath and then walked over to the dresser to grab a rag to wrap around it.

Okay so admittedly, perhaps, he had been gone longer than planned without contact. And maybe he should have solidified his proposal with a ring then, but he needed to find answers so that between Al and him what happened to Nina would never happen again. Bitterly he realized just how much like his father he was. Hohenheim, the worthless errant parent. Always finding a reason to be gone, Hohenheim had never accepted the wonderful life he had been given. Ed had sworn not to be like him and now he was a carbon fucking copy. William, the joker, even kind of looked like he had with his long, blond hair pulled back in a braid. In fact, he could just guess who had styled his hair so neatly for him. Now Ed was glad he'd taken his out and seeing that second rate copy, might never wear a stupid braid again. As much as it irritated him to actually acknowledge it, William was even a couple inches taller than him. All he knew was he was no way in hell going back downstairs while Mr. Perfectly-Fitted-With-My-Automail was there. Pulling the rings out of the box in his pocket, he puzzled over the thought that he may never be able to give it to Winry or see her eyes light up at him with joy. He turned them over for a time wondering how he could've screwed everything up so badly.

A light knock on the door startled him out of his wits and as the door opened a few seconds later Ed was left sitting there holding the rings in his tortured slowness, to figure out that it had been Winry who had opened the door.

"Hey Ed I wanted to tell yo-." Immediately the shining metal caught her attention and her eyes dropped to the bits of silver in his hand and got as wide as saucers. He felt the warmth flood his cheeks like a wildfire in a dry forest.

"No! It's not what you think- I mean it is, but it's for my girlfriend when I go back West." The lie burned on his tongue, but felt better when he saw the color drain from Winry's face. He liked thinking that she didn't enjoy the thought of him with anyone else just like he was miserable over William. "Yea, she's a great girl, I just thought I would come visit you guys before I move permanently out there since I'm at the point in my life that I want to settle down and start a family. Not that I'm active in that way or anything currently!" Running the entire bullshit story together, he averted his golden gaze so that she wouldn't notice how blatantly full of crap he was. After all of the damning words were out, he lifted his eyes to read her expression. This was bad. At first Winry had looked like she was going to cry, leaving him feeling like he had been punched in the gut, but now her features had iced over and she looked downright complacent.

"Well I guess that explains why I only heard from you once in the three years you were gone. Good thing I didn't keep waiting for you to come home and share half of your life with me." He had begun to crack and tell her that he had just lied because he was upset to find that she had moved on, and embarrassed at her finding him holding the rings she would never accept, when her angry, flashing eyes cut off what he was about to say. "I don't want to talk about that anymore, you've moved on and so have I so great for both of us. Just come find me when you are ready to have me work on your leg. William went home a while ago, so you can come out now." She shut the door quietly but forcefully behind her. What the hell had he been thinking telling her that stupid lie? Al was going to beat a mountain of sense into him when he got here. Damn! He still hadn't asked them about Al. Making a mental note to do just that first thing when he went downstairs to eat. Accepting that he had to face her again sometime, he got up sluggishly and placing the rings back in the box, and into his pocket, left the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Walking into her workroom he felt nervous about making things worse than they already were with Winry. As he entered, she made no move to acknowledge him. She had to have heard him drag himself into her room but she didn't even turn to face him. This was already starting off badly. How was he supposed to rectify things if she was going to pretend he didn't exist?

"Just take off your pants and lay down on the table Ed." She sounded hoarse and he started to say something, but instead closed his mouth and decided to just do as she instructed. He hated this part. Getting stripped down to just his boxers and having these feelings for her aroused less than noble reactions from him. Most of the time he would have to think of mundane or sometimes even picture vile things to keep other the other thoughts from his mind while she was bent over him in that tiny tube top, pressed so close that he would have no choice but inhale her wonderful and familiar scent. Even worse were the occasional beads of sweat that would trace down her neck, slip down her clavicle and then make their way into the valley he so longed to see for himself. With a shake of his golden head, he immediately terminated that line of thought since he was beginning to feel hot cheeked again. He wondered if that was just part and parcel to being around her. When she finally did turn to face him he felt like he'd been punched in the stomach, her eyes were bright from what looked like crying and her lips were swollen, full and inviting. She said nothing as she began inspecting the damage he had done to his leg. Fingers effortlessly moving over his unfeeling metal limb, occasionally brushing to where his prothestic ended and his flesh began. As he watched her sapphire eyes search his skin for signs of damage near the port, he found that he had been staring at her the entire time without cease. Finally he noticed that neither of them had spoken since she told him to lay on the table and the silence was stretching out too long, he needed to say something to break the tension...anything. Luckily she did it for him.

"Goodness Ed, honestly can you not take better care of your automail? Two gears are completely inoperable, and I am positive it can't be anymore comfortable for you to lug around like this. There is a dried green substance that I don't even want to know why is corroding the inner panel. This is going to have to be replaced not repaired." She was waving her wrench around making her point a visual one. He wondered sourly if she had ever used that on _William,_ or if that was an honor she reserved just for him. Feeling bitterness war and win against common sense, he couldn't stop the words that left his mouth next.

"Well fortunately for you, William now showcases your finest work so I'm sure you will let my transgressions slide a little easier now." He knew it was the wrong direction to take the conversation in while she was gripping said shining wrench, but wonderfully, sadly, she didn't give him the reaction he was expecting. That could be taken as a good and bad thing, but where she was concerned he assumed no reaction was actually worse for his cause. Sighing loudly, the mechanic responded to his statement.

"You weren't around and you weren't ever going to use it again, so when he showed up here bleeding to death yes, I decided someone should get use out of it. I worked my ass off on that and if it could help one person then why shouldn't they get to use it?" Pride in her work was all he could see shining on her face, though he would bet anything that a bit of anger was probably lying just under the surface as well.

"I would say you went above and beyond for this customer in ensuring that his rehabilitation is a happy one. He's lucky he found the right automail mechanic." Giving her a patronizing look, he realized she had reached her limit for tolerating his snide comments and actually cringed as he waited for the impact of metal upon his head instead receiving a verbal lambasting.

"EDWARD ELRIC! I will not feel guilty for trying to find some happiness in my life, while you were out doing who knows what with whoever. Who knew IF or WHEN you were ever coming home, and to be honest I want marriage and a family of my own sometime in this decade, so yes, I just finally gave William a chance. He may not be the heart stopping end all, be all, that you used to be to me but he is dependable and kind- traits that I have come to appreciate almost as dearly as the once in a lifetime love and passion I felt for you. I tried to be there for you and Al no matter how hard it was for me to watch you go and not know if it was the last time I would see either of you. Hell, I even tried to wait around for YEARS for you to fulfill your wanderlust and come home to me! I understood and expected one year, I even stayed strong believing you would be back during the second year, but by the third year of consistantly having to explain the absence of a man that was supposed to give me half of his life, I moved on and I'm not sorry for it! Do you know how vastly different it is so have someone who actually wants to be around? And who tells me nice things about me? Oh, but I guess you do now, that's why you haven't been home, because you found that person who you actually want to give half of your life too, not some uncute automail junkie." Winry's tirade was cut off there by the sound of the phone ringing. Throwing her hands up in exasperation that no one else would answer the phone, she unceremoniously plunked her wrench down and left to pick up the call.

While she went and answered the phone, he figured he might as well put his clothes back on. Sitting up, he ran a hand through his flaxen hair in frustration, there was not way he could hear anymore of her painful thoughts, even if he deserved to and more for being absent for so long. He was blown away by everything she had just said to him. As he reached down to grab his black leather pants and pull them on, he tried to think of what to say to her and everything that had just happened. Why had he tried to pick a fight with her? Couldn't he ever make her happy instead of angry or upset? An odd choking sound coming from Winry got his attention. Walking down the stairs, the strangled noise she was making made his steps hurried. When he got to Winry, she was folded over the phone crying as if the world were ending. Heart racing, he wondered what the hell was going on or what could have happened to make her this upset. Cautiously, he placed a firm hand on her shoulder, letting her know he was there for her. Shaking she turned her shining blue eyes up to him and started crying even harder. A dull pain thudded in his chest as he took in her sorrow. He kneeled down to hug her when she spoke.

"Oh Ed, It's Al..." That was all she got out before breaking into a shuddering cry. Surely Al was fine, maybe a little worse for the wear but still OK He wasn't going to freak out, he knew Alphonse was tough and Winry was always quick to tears. However her next words were spoken in a rush of barely intelligible cries. "Ed, he's gone. He was killed in an explosion just for being engaged to May." The world seemed to stop spinning on its axis, had he not already been kneeling he would certainly have fallen. There must be some crazy mistake, they couldn't have meant Alphonse. There was no FUCKING way! Who would want to hurt him just for who he was engaged to? Who would want to kill such a good hearted, kind man like Al? Shaking his head as if the motion would somehow change what he just been told, he didn't even realize he had begun to repeat, 'No.' audibly over and over. He couldn't accept that they had been through everything just for Al to be killed now! Picturing his little brother in a pool of his own blood did him in. Ed's body started convulsing with the weight of his broken heart. Tears fell salty into his mouth and off of his chin. They were streaming uncontrollably from his amber eyes. Wrapping his arms tightly around himself, he started rocking back and forth, biting his lip to try and come back to reality unsuccessfully. Frantic thoughts ran through his head, how could he turn back time and save him? He would give anything to have his gate back so he could get his brother back. OH GOD HIS LITTLE BROTHER - HE HAD FAILED HIM!!! He had failed everyone. Why hadn't he been there when Alphonse needed him? Had he called out for help to his older brother knowing it would never come? How did he not know how much trouble his own brother was in? He was a selfish asshole, it should be him not Al. He punched the floor viciously with the same hand that he had cut up earlier and fresh blood started seeping from the openings. Somehow watching the blood roll off his hand he felt less surreal. At this action, Winry finally spoke as if she too hadn't been a part of reality.

"Ed your hand, we need to wrap it." She stated dazedly, clearly not processing things either. However, the blood dripping all over him was enough for him to become vividly aware of his situation and ruined life.

"It doesn't even matter." He hissed vehemently. "Don't act like you care about me, I lost the last person who loved me tonight!" Practically spitting the words at her in disgust, he had to get away from this house and her. He couldn't think straight, he needed to go see his mother and talk to her. Hastily he rose to his feet, vaguely thinking he shouldn't walk anymore on his leg, but quickly disregarding the thought. He was being smothered by the air inside the house. His heart was racing and seemed like it was skipping beats, maybe he would die from a broken heart. Without Al or Winry what was left for him anyway? Dying was the easy part, living on after so much loss was eternal pain and suffering. Even as he heard Winry shout his name, he walked out of the front door without a backwards glance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Review!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: This may seem a bit OOC for Ed, but this is how I deal (or don't deal) with loss so sorry if you guys don't like it!

Waking in the cemetery, Ed sat up slowly. His head was heavy and his eyes were raw from crying all night, in fact he must have let every tear he'd been holding in all these years come out. Stretching widely, he took in a mental checklist of all of the random pains he felt from sleeping on the wet ground. As he looked at his parents graves, things were starting to seem like they would go just as well for him as they had for his idiot father. While walking back to Winry's, his head began to clear and vividly he remembered the last thing he had said to her and it was less than endearing, further proof of what an asshole he was. If Alphonse would've been there he was sure to have gotten an earful at his poor treatment of a lady, especially the one that was like family to them. Wincing, he was bitterly reminded that Al was gone. He would never hear his little brother give him another lesson in manners ever again. Sighing, he felt like every step towards the Rockbell home was taken through wet sand, but eventually he made it to the stairs.

As he opened the door, he saw Winry, what looked like uncomfortably asleep still by the phone, clutching a photo of the three of them. Clearly sleep would feel as good for her when she woke as it had for him. Staring at her still worried expression, he internally punched himself for leaving her like such a complete dick. Would his selfishness ever end? She had loved Al nearly as much as he did, by walking out on her yet again, he had shown that he didn't deserve her at all. Leaning towards her, he gently stroked her silvery blonde hair and whispered a meaningless apology. Frowning, he went into the kitchen and saw a note from Granny.

ED & WINRY,

I LEFT YOU GUYS SOME STEW, HEAT IT UP ON THE STOVE. I'M  
SO SORRY ABOUT HAVING TO LEAVE YOU BOTH RIGHT NOW,  
THERE WAS AN EMERGENCY WITH A CUSTOMER'S AUTOMAIL.  
I'M SO SORRY ED.

-GRANNY

Reading the note from Pinako made him feel even worse about walking out last night, Winry had literally been there heart broken and scared about his well being by herself all night. Wanting to make up for his error somehow, Ed decided that maybe he could use a little food and so could Winry since he was sure she hadn't eaten. Opening a cabinet to get a pot out, he saw Granny's reknowned stash of Scotch. Looking at the dark liquid he was debating having a drink- And why shouldn't he? This had to be the worst 24 hours of his life, so if he wanted to have a drink at eight in the morning, he felt he had every right to one. He had tried different liquors in the West, not really liking any but generally feeling good and warm after consuming the small bit that he had in the past. So with that thought he grabbed the pot and the bottle and set them both on the table. He put the stew in the pot to heat it up and pulled out a glass into which he poured the brown spirit. For a few moments, he just looked at the color in the glass debating if this really was the best idea, then deciding he'd already gotten it out so he might as well have some, took a large drink. Shit, it burned horribly...maybe it had expired. Or maybe Granny really did have the strong constitution of a man, unlike him apparently.

 

* * *

 

By the time Winry woke up and walked into the kitchen, he was half cocked singing to himself and burning the stew. While in the middle of his song, he had been dancing, bottle in hand unnoticing of the woman staring wide eyed at the rare sight in front of her. She didn't think she had ever seen him dance before, let along sing...and if she really thought about, she'd never seen him attempt to cook anything either. Sure, he'd made himself sandwiches before, but never anything involving the stove and now she knew why.

"What the hell are you doing Ed? Is that Granny's Scotch? Is that stew that is being ruined on the stove?" She raised her eyebrows at him in disbelief, while turning the heat off of the pot. A knock on the door, sent her hastily out of the room further distracting her. Of course, it was the ever wondeful William. Laughing bitterly at how fast his plan to be more kind to her went south in a matter of minutes at his arrival. Thankfully, she had the grace to send him away because honestly, he didn't have it in him to pretend to not want to punch him in his smiling face today. Actually maybe he could tell her to invite him back so he could do just that. A toothy grin crossed his face at the thought. She came back in the room and started to speak but Ed cut her off.

"Winry I'm sorry about last night, all the shit I said to you wasn't right or true." At her deflated look, he gathered she thought he was just talking about the last thing he said and continued to clarify. "You don't deserve me trying to make you feel guilty for just for looking out for yourself and trying to find happiness where I failed. Even if that happiness led to you finding someone else. And I lied to you yesterday earlier as well." He was embarrassed since this part his didn't want to explain to her, even though his liquor sodden mind led him to continue.

"How's that?" She stepped forward with one foot and placed a hand on her hip.

"Remember when you saw me with those rings?" She nodded in response. "Well I made up the other girl bullshit because I was jealous that you had moved on and I haven't. Besides Al, you were all I wanted in my life and now I've lost you both to my inability to be there when it counted - and to that I raise my glass." With his shot he smiled sardonically. He knew he should stop drinking and that his thoughts probably weren't coming out coherently but this was the easiest it had felt to be open with Winry thanks to liquid courage. At his previous statement Winry walked to the cupboard, grabbed a glass, sat down and poured some Scotch in her own cup. He knew his must have looked astonished as she tipped the burning fluid back with a challenging smirk. Shocked, he stared blankly at her.

"What? I can have a drink just like you? In fact I can probably have more than you, I am my Granny's granddaughter. As to your lying, let's not talk about it for the moment, though don't think for one second you are off the hook. Right now all I want is to talk about is the good times we've had with Al and your trip West okay?" She was incredible, he had thought for sure that she was going to brain him for drinking, but here she was sipping warm Scotch like it was tea on a summer day. He was utterly stunned by this woman. The sun was coming through the window in a way that when it hit her hair, it automatically showcased every highlight framing her face. She was breathtakingly beautiful. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he answered.

"Okay, fair enough- just remind me to call Fuhrer Fuckhead later so we can figure things out with Al." Grimacing, he felt his stomach drop just thinking of having to talk to Mustang about getting Al's body back so they could have a funeral for his little brother.

"Hey." Getting his attention, she slid her hands across the table to cover his own, setting his heart racing. "We are going to worry about that later for now let's just be happy for the times we've had with Al. You know that's what he would want." She was right, Al had always been the most unselfish person, never thinking of anything but the happiness of others, and cats. Ha his face raised in a small smile at the memory.

"So there was this one time we were in Central and I had started to notice that Al smelled kind of funky and when I said as much, he tried to tell me that his loin cloth was dirty and needed to be cleaned. But one night I was trying to sleep and all I could hear was a weird scratching sound coming from Al. I kept asking what he had in his armor and I'll be damned if his didn't have a whole litter of kittens living in it and using his legs as a litterbox!" Laughing together loudly at the memory, he continued almost forgetting his heartache from the smile on Winry's face. "So, I freaked out and made him give the kittens to the first people we saw on the street. He was so mad that I wouldn't let him keep even one but we were traveling so much it wouldn't have been fair to them anyways." While Ed was laughing, tears beaded in his eyes. "Finally he let me take off his legs so they could be cleaned, but I swear he was going to walk around in them like that just to irritate me for not letting him keep them." By the end of this story he was actually feeling a little better. He poured Winry a drink and then another for himself. "To Alphonse, the best brother and friend, I couldn't have picked a better one had I tried." He clinked his glass with hers and swigged his drink down, she followed suit. Her cheeks pinkened from the burn of the alcohol, she was so lovely he couldn't figure out how he had even gotten himself to leave for the West when he had her here.

After a couple of hours of talking and telling stories Ed suggested that they play a game and that the winner got a prize of their choosing. Winry agreed sluggishly waving her wrench in the air stating, "I'll win even if I lose." He wasn't sure if he wanted to know what that meant. The game was simplistic and hard at the same time. All they had to do was count from one up as high as they could but replace the multiples of five with a different word without saying the number on accident or missing the multiple altogether. Whoever got the highest without messing up won. Ed suggested ladies first, so Winry started with one and he followed with two and so forth. They had made it into the 40's when Winry said '45' instead of Scotch which was the designated word they had decided on.

"HA! You lost!" He was slurring his words at this point. Ed wondered if she thought it was hot in the kitchen as well. Sitting in his leather pants and baggy black shirt without sleeves, he still thought even that was stifling, so he pulled it off.

"No I didn't! I said Scotch not 45!" Her eyes had fixated on his shirtless chest and he almost laughed at the undisguised look of tension that crossed her face, until she pulled down the top half of her automail jumpsuit leaving only said tiny tube top.

"Actually you did, so now I get a prize of my choosing." A mischievous smile formed on his face.

"Okay, I didn't but I'll concede that you probably would've counted higher than me eventually." Had she just admitted he was smarter? Grinning largely, he waited for her to ask the obvious question. "What is the prize?" She asked nervously, while twirling a strand of long hair around her finger. 

"You have to close your eyes and you will find out." She had a look of hesitation on her face but she closed her eyes anyway. He wished she didn't have that damn wrench at her arms length but he thought the trade off would be worth it. Placing his lips a mere fraction away from hers, for a moment he just enjoyed the closeness of her. He could smell her hair, it was like sun bathed flowers with a hint of oil. Heaven. Originally he had planned to just lightly press his lips to hers, but the second his eager mouth touched hers his lips took on a life of their own, parting hers with his questing tongue. Running the tip of his tongue lightly over top lip, he sucked gently at it. Slipping his fingers into her loose ponytail, he reveled in the softness of it. She had tilted her head, allowing him easier access to fully explore her mouth. Heat flooded his body as he rubbed his tongue along hers attempting to learn every part of her. Years of restricting himself from caring for her and keeping her out of danger had taken its toll, and now he became greedy to make up for all the times he should have kissed her. He had never imagined kissing Winry to be this satisfying, Alchemy had been the only thing that made him passionate before. Now it couldn't even compare. Winry pushed him suddenly away, and leaned back gasping to regain her breath.

"Ed, I can't do this-" Flustered she seemed to be trying to hang on to her point. "I have a boyfriend, and you are probably just confused because of Al being gone and drinking so much. This isn't what you really want, in a couple of weeks you will get restless and feel the need to find the secrets of life and Alchemy, I can't even compete with your love of knowledge and I'm not going to try anymore." She got up so quickly that she knocked her glass onto the floor shattering it loudly, but she stumbled upstairs with no intention of staying in the kitchen with him one minute longer.

As Ed bent to the floor and started picking up the small shards of glass, he thought sadly how all the broken pieces reminded him of his broken life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Review!


	4. Chapter 4

Once Winry got to her room she curled up dizzily on her bed and tried to think of anything besides what an awful person she was for being unfaithful to William. He had been nothing but good to her. Beyond good actually, he had brought sunshine back into her life. Bleeding to death on her doorstep, he had come from nowhere seemingly to fill the void of her loneliness. When he had arrived, she had seen the blond hair and blood everywhere and instantly thought of Edward all those years ago. She couldn't help but want to take care of him and want to be around him, he couldn't fill the hole where Ed should be, but he made it feel a bit smaller. He wasn't mouthy, pigheaded, or always putting himself in danger, which she both liked and disliked about him. 

From the time William had healed, he had attempted to get Winry to open up to him about who she was always staring off into space over. When she finally did tell him about the wonderful brothers, at first he just listened and gave her space whenever she would insist that Ed would be back to marry her anytime. When a year had passed since she had spoken to him and two since she had seen the golden man, Will began trying to court her. Months went by with Winry politely telling him 'no' until one night she realized after a close call that she could spend her whole life waiting for her life to begin. She had given it a lot of thought but after that she hesitantly agreed to see William the next evening for a date. Just the fact that he had stuck around so long, waiting for her to give him a chance had worn down the resistance she had held against the idea. He was sweet, considerate and reliable, things which she wasn't used to. These were fine qualities, but sometimes she wished he were teasing or temperamental, the things that made her heart flutter. Unlike Edward, he was quite the charmer and didn't really get flustered by flirtation, it was nice to have met someone that was so comfortable with his feelings, but if she was honest with herself she had always liked how the elder Elric would blush and bumble around her. Putting William off of kissing had been easy until recently, she had spent months sending him to the door with little more than hugs and the occasional peck on the cheek. Two weeks ago though, she had given in and they shared their first kiss- her first ever. She wanted to say it was a great kiss, and if someone would have asked her about it then she would have thought so, but after being kissed by Edward, she knew that was a lie.

With just one heated kiss, Ed had awakened the very thing she was petrified to feel. Lust. Hell she knew it well years ago, after watching him spar shirtless with Alphonse and coming in the house with sweat beading off his well muscled chest, it took everything not to pounce on him then. But after so long of being alone, she had forgotten the rush that accompanied that attraction. Not to say she wasn't attracted to William, but it wasn't the magnetic pull she felt whenever she looked into the golden eyes of her childhood love. The moment that Ed had walked in that first day, she had tried her best to suppress her less than pure thoughts. She had believed they would be easier to handle now that she had moved on, but seeing the fire inside of him just drew her as much as it always did. But, and this is what everything really came down to, did she want to go through being left behind again? William was the type of man who would stay by her side for the rest of her life, he would never make her wait and always treat her like a gentleman should. Then again, and this was the thing that worried her the most, how was she supposed to go through life without the passion and love that Ed made her feel without doing anything other than just being himself?

Just then someone knocked on the door, and she was sure it was Ed, and for another minute she had actually hoped that it was, but to her surprise Granny came in holding the nearly empty bottle of Scotch. Unfortunately this brought on a bout of nerve induced hiccups.

"Winry Rockbell would you like to explain to me what has been going on this morning? I found the pipsqueak out by the tree curled up around this." She shook what was left in the glass bottle, so there was no confusion as to what she meant. "Now I understand how sudden and horrible losing Alphonse was, but this is not going to make dealing with the pain any easier. Alcohol is a temporary distraction." With a look of disapproval, Pinako stared at her with knowing eyes.

"Well Granny when I woke up Ed was burning stew and drinking alone, and I remembered you telling me that you never let a friend drink alone, so I figured I would-" She stopped to hiccup loudly. "be his friend and support him right now." A silver eyebrow raised seeming to ask a question of it's own, 'What kind of support did you give him after you drank this alcohol?' Blushing furiously, Winry averted her gaze quickly. "Uh huh, I'm going to say this once…Don't drink my stash of Scotch. It won't fix your problems and you don't want your dear old Granny getting angry do you? That being said I think you are both old enough to make you own choices even if they are bad ones. You won't be making this a habit correct?" Shaking her head vigorously, and then regretting it immediately after at the feeling of imbalance hit her, she most assuredly would not be doing this again ANYTIME soon.

"No thank you I feel all lopsided and I made a dumb choice in the midst of the moment." Her cheeks flushed hot again after realizing that she had said that to Granny.

"What choice would that be?" Puffing on her pipe, Pinako shot Winry a look that said she knew exactly what the answer was anyways, but that she still wanted to hear her to admit it out loud.

"Well…" Trailing off, she mortified at what she was about to say, afraid that her Granny would be disappointed in her for doing that to both of the men. "Ed kissed me and I let him longer than I should have." She had to look like a cherry between the embarrassment and the hiccups she had finally got to stop.

"I wondered about that given the other items I found him asleep holding." The old woman put her index finger and thumb on either side of her chin thoughtfully.

"What items?" Her heart did a little flip flop.

"Your bandana and what looked like a ring box, it wasn't just that he had those things, but how dearly the little twerp was holding them. Then again now that he has even lost Alphonse, we are all he has. I can't imagine how hard life has been for him losing everyone he's ever loved." Ed's final words to her last night rang through her head. 'Don't act like you care about me, I lost the last person who loved me tonight!' Flinching, she hated that he had felt that way even for a minute. After a minute she thought about what else Granny had said. Winry remembered taking off the bandana while drinking and laughing earlier. The kitchen had gotten so humid between the heat off the stove for the stew and the burn from the Scotch. And lastly, the ring box. That would have to be something she thought about more when she was able to soberly process everything that that meant. She began to talk but Granny continued, "I know how badly Ed has hurt you by disappearing with no contact for that long and I'm not saying you should let him off the hook by any means, but I would be sure of your feelings for him and William before you make a decision that will alter how your life plays out. I know you are happy with William and he is a fine man, one of the few I consider worthy of my granddaughter, but if your feelings are unresolved for Ed, which given that you kissed him back I would say that the whole situation bears some reflection to be had. My thought is that sometimes the safe choice isn't the one that will make you happy in the long run. Don't be afraid to have your heart broken; be afraid of never having real enduring love." That might have been the most sentimental thing her Grandmother had ever said, and even with her liquor soaked mind, she understood how rare it was for her to speak her opinion when it came to Winry's choices.

"I just don't know what I want right now and with losing Al, I feel like nothing makes sense anymore. I wish I could go back three years and just keep us all together and safe." Tears began to prick her eyes at the thought that she would never see her best friend again. How was she supposed to make any decision without his level headed outlook? He was always her voice of reason.

"I'd like that too, however life has other plans so just be thankful for the time you've had with Al and do your best to live the happiest life you can, I know Al would like that." Granny turned to leave the room.

"Hey thanks for everything Granny." She smiled half heartedly up at the sage woman.

"No problem, but don't think for one minute that you and Ed won't be replacing my Scotch." She cackled as she closed the door. Once again Winry was left alone with her unclear thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

Once Ed had finally gotten rid of the toxic contents of his stomach a second time, he was feeling a bit better. Drinking, a fool's therapy, as he was going to call it from here forward was not something he'd be doing again anytime soon. Two times in a row now he'd fallen asleep outside and was not wanting to make it more of a habit than it had become.

Sobriety now reaching his thoughts, he remembered heatedly kissing Winry. As they had talked and laughed, he had been so entranced by her voice and flashing sapphire eyes. Then he had played that damn game with her and won, and what an amazing prize it had been. Soft lips moving with his roughened mouth, he had stolen a peak at Heaven and for a few seconds he had actually felt the pressure on his chest lessen until she had pushed him away, slicing through his small piece of happiness. Rising to his feet, he noted how dark outside it was and realized he must have lost the whole day. He wondered briefly how Winry was feeling, and if she had gone upstairs and thought about what had occured between them, as he had. Unfortunately for his stomach and throbbing head, he had continued to drink what was left of the Scotch to bury the sting of rejection that had turned a decent, under the circumstances, morning into a now bittersweet memory. Standing to brush himself off and unwrinkle his clothing, he decided, 'What better time than the present to call the black haired bastard about Al?' He was already miserable, and might as well add to that.

Ed knew full well that it was far too late to call, but did anyways and was surprised when he was patched right through to Mustang.

"Fullmetal." It was annoying that he was apparently so predictable.

"Ed." He icily corrected his former superior.

"Whatever, look Edward, I'm sorry about Alphonse, we will do whatever it takes to get him home for a proper burial." His clipped tone implied that he wanted Ed to accept the statment and not question it further. Of course, he had never been very accepting of anything that came out of this man's mouth. 

"Whatever it takes? What the hell do you mean by that?" Practically growling the angry questions out, he wanted to know why there would be a hassle to have Al returned to Resembool.

"Well..." He trailed off clearly not wanting to say whatever he was going to say next. "Apparently some of the people involved must have taken his body and Princess Chang who was alive last we knew, since we have already sent men there to retrieve his body. We have gotten wind that there is going to be an example made of her." Ed was stunned. Suddenly, he felt like he was going to be sick again. Bile instantly hit the back of his throat. He couldn't begin to fathom that amount of hate towards anyone, let alone Al or May. How could Al not have told him about everything that was going on in Xing? There was a time when his little brother had left nothing unsaid to Ed, no matter how hard it was for them to talk about. Like the time Al had thought Ed had made him and put artificial memories inside him. Al had taken some time to say what was on his mind and was completely wrong in his thoughts, but still he had said it nonetheless. How could people be so twisted and cruel without even knowing them? Easily...just as easily as the Amestrians had been cruel to the Ishvalans years ago. People fear what they don't know and seek to destroy those who are different. No matter who his brother was friends with, he was not Xingese, and attracting the favor of a Princess of Xing was apparently more than enough for someone to want the golden haired, gentle man dead. Dead. Al was dead, and now on top of that, they may never even get his body back for a proper funeral. How strange that after all those years of questing to find a way to restore his body, that even in death they were fighting to get the same thing. He must have been silent for a while because Mustang began speaking again. "Ed, we are going to get him back. You have my word, I know you have never really liked me but I've always looked after you and Alphonse. I will not fail you...like I failed Hughes." Hearing him say that, Ed felt a deep pit of regret uncoil within him at the Colonel's words and knew Mustang would do exactly what he said.

"Either you do or I will, and I can't promise much diplomacy if I have to get him." He hung up then with a shaking hand. For once he wished he had someone to talk to. He wished he could talk to Al. All the times he had stayed strong were wearing down on him now. After a second of just staring blankly ahead, he noticed the light in Winry's workroom was on. As much as he longed to just to be in her company right now, he knew he couldn't handle it if she pushed him away again. Between the physical loss of his beloved brother, and now Winry emotionally, he already felt like the wrong thing could send him over the edge. Skipping eating anything, he trudged upstairs to his room to spend the long evening awake and alone with his mountain of regrets that was growing ever higher.

 

* * *

 

Waking to the sound of hushed voices, Ed groaned as he realized one was the ever gallant William. Beginning to get out of bed, he froze stock still as he heard Winry say his name.

"Ed is my friend Will, and you may not understand how I can still care for him but I do. We have been like family our whole lives. Besides he's made me happy many more years than he's made me sad." Her voice sounded steel hard, even from this distance.

"What do you think will happen Winry? After everything calms down he is just going to leave, that's who he is and you will be just as depressed as before. I only want to see you happy. Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't be there for him during this time of loss for his brother, Alphonse because I know how close you three were." Yea, he sounded real understanding...not. He wanted to punch him in the throat, so he wouldn't have to listen to his gratingly annoying voice, but thankfully Winry had spoken up again.

"ARE- we ARE still close. And you don't know. We have been through a lot together in our lives, things I will never explain and that you wouldn't understand anyway." That's right Winry! Tell that prick just how wrong he was!

"Whatever, I just think you should keep Ed at arms length for your own sake." Ed rolled his amber eyes and laughed to himself. For her sake his ass!

"Well, I think I am capable of deciding who I want to be my friend and who I don't. Look, either way it doesn't change that I am asking you for a couple days of space. Between everything going on with Al, filling customers orders and building a leg on the fly for Ed I just don't have any time to give you right now. If I'm going to make it to Rush Valley to finish my certification, I need to see to it that my customers here are taken care of before we leave. It wouldn't be right to leave my customers here without finishing when I'm moving soon." She was moving with this prick? Over his dead fucking body. All but jumping out of bed, unnoticing to the fact that he was only in boxers, he opened his door and stepped into the hall.

"Ed!" Winry whirled to face him, her cheeks instantly turning beet red at both the sight of him, hair mussed and every muscled line being flaunted, and by the conversation he must have just overheard.

"Oh, please! Don't let me interrupt your fucking plans! You know me, I'm just passing through anyways." He started walking away wincing cold, honeyed eyes from her azure ones.

"ED!" He turned to give her a forced smile.

"No, really it's fine Winry." Pausing here, Ed felt his smile become brittle and his heart pound in his ears. "You should live your life however, wherever and with whoever makes you happy. You deserve that after all the years you spent waiting on some idiot who was never good enough for you." Turning before his smile faltered completely, Ed hurried down the stairs and left the house. Granny was out front puffing on her pipe sitting with Den.

"Want to talk about it?" She looked up at him over her glasses, knowingly.

"Talking about it won't fix it. I can't get either of them back." Fisting a hand in the fabric covering his chest, he was actually trying to hold himself together.

"You remind me so much of Hohenheim." The words cut him deep, though he had made minor progress with his father before he passed, he still harbored a lot of animosity towards him.

"That is definitely not what I want to hear right now, and I already know that anyways. I leave all the time just like he did. I am no better than he was." Irritation now thrummed through him almost visibly.

"Actually I meant in the way that you both love so fiercely, but are both so afraid of accepting happiness. It's almost like since you were both dealt a bad first hand you feel like you can't come back and win the game." Looking down onto her wrinkled face, he wished she would just spell out whatever she meant for him.

"What are you trying to say Granny?" Placing her hand on her hip just like his fiery mechanic, she began to enlighten him.

"I'm saying if you really love her and I believe that you do, then don't give up. She's never had eyes for anyone but you- even though she tries to with William. That's how I know it's not real, you don't try to love someone, you either do or you don't. But I warn you Edward Elric, if you ever drink my Scotch or leave her for that long again I will brain you with my screwdriver and you will see how easy Winry has been taking it on you all these years." A real smile passed his lips, the old hag had actually made him feel better. About the same time William came stomping out mumbling a very put upon goodbye to Granny, and shooting Ed daggers with his baleful eyes as he quickly left towards town.

Winry stepped out and told Ed to be in her workroom after dinner so she could attach his new leg. Even as he heard her words, he looked to Pinako who gave him a sidelong glance that said, 'Step up and claim your woman, you mouthy twerp.' He nodded his head in acceptance to them both.


	6. Chapter 6

Sweating from the pain of having his new leg attached, Ed finally looked at Winry who heatedly returned the stare. Tensions were high, and neither of them had said a single word to the other since he had entered the small room. Out of nowhere, Winry's soft voice broke the silence between them.

"Why did you take so long to come back Ed?" Her brilliant eyes were piercing him intensely, and he had become nervous upon her letting the words loose. Deep down he had feeling this was going to be 'the conversation.' "Was it so hard to pick up a phone Ed? I guess I just want to know why you even fed me that line about equivalent exchange, and then didn't look back once, like you had never said it. Or regretted saying it." He'd been waiting for her to ask these questions and had been anticipating THIS conversation since he returned. He had expected it much sooner actually, maybe even followed by a welt in his head from a specific tool, but what he didn't expect was for her to believe her regretted his words to her. Instantly, he felt like an asshole. 

"I was studying Alchemy Winry, you know that." Looking down at his hands he tightened and relaxed them, then interlaced them together.

"Well was it worth it Ed? Are you happy with the way things have turned out?" She walked to stand within inches of him as if almost trying to crowd him with her body. 

"What do you think Winry?" Feeling the pressure building up in his chest, he ran a frustrated hand through his golden hair. She knew he wasn't happy, why was she trying to egg him into a fight?

"I want to know what you think Ed! I'm tired of trying to decipher your thoughts! I want- no need for you to answer me!" Her eyes shimmered like the turbulent sea, and tears threatened to spill. However instead of being put off by her tears, like usual, he found himself exploding in response to her yelled demands.

"I'm miserable! Is that what you want to hear me say Winry!" She wanted the truth and for him to be honest with her? No problem! In face he would be glad for her to understand the way he felt right now! "Do you think I'm happy that the only girl I have ever cared for is moving away with some idiot she hardly knows and doesn't want to be with me? That I'm an even bigger idiot for being too scared to come back and just tell you that I don't want to spend another day without you with me." Moving within an inch of Winry, he could feel her breath on his face. "Or maybe you want me to tell you that when I came home and saw you with William all I wanted to do was cease to exist because my purpose in life had moved on? And what's the worst part, you ask? Knowing that everything is my fault and that I will spend the rest of my life alone because of the choices I've made! Does that make you happy to hear?" Unsure of how to take what he was saying, she gazed up at him.

"Tell me what you are thinking right now." Speaking hardly more than a whisper, Winry's inquiry caught him off guard, so he answered honestly without hesitation.

"That I love you and I don't know how to prove that I mean it." Nearly clapping his hand over his mouth in embarrassment, he caught his action midway and decided to let his feelings be known without reservation. All traces of his previously bright red blush leaving his face. His eyes burned down at her begging her to believe him.

"I don't know how to trust you Ed, I want to but the thought you leaving again I couldn't bear-." Cutting her off with his forceful lips, Ed couldn't even control the urge. She was all he wanted, and Granny had told him to claim his woman. Wrapping his arms around her small waist he traced his fingers up the curve of her back pushing her into him. Her lips were hot on his as she let out a breath she had been holding. Her own hands went greedily into his hair, tugging gently. Winry's tongue brushed his smoothly, as they feverishly stroked against each others and he began to groan into her mouth at the sensation. Suddenly she was shoving him into her work table, pressing herself intimately to him. The swell of her breasts crushed to his chest was overwhelming. Her hands were everywhere exploring his hard, lean body. Pulling back she gently nibbled on his lip while running her curious hands down his muscular arms, they continued to fall to his waist. She pulled his black shirt up to touch his rigid, bare stomach while molding herself to him. Hating that her lips had left his, she quickly turned his attention to her stripping him. Taking his shirt off, he stood in only his boxers, his firmness impossible to hide. Then she hastily slipped off her own shirt leaving only a purple bit of fabric between him and her being completely topless together. He pulled the hair tie out of her silvery blond strands and ran his fingers through it.  Her hair smelled like lilacs and oil. Turning his mouth to her neck, he scattered light and occassionally wet kisses down the path to her clavicle until she was shivering, though it was nowhere near cold in the tiny room.

Trailing her hands over his tight chest, a smile crossed her face and he couldn't help but relish in it. The woman he loved was touching and being touched by him, and she liked it! Sweeping her into his arms, he set her on the work table. She wrapped her legs around him, fitting herself with him more intimately. She blushed furiously at the feel of his hardness, though not pushing him away either. Tilting her head to kiss her deeply, he slipped his hand under the purple fabric, suddenly developing a taste for the color. Instantly at the contact her peaks puckered sensitively, and she actually giggled out loud. The sound of her giggle was sensually arousing. He couldn't get enough of her, his senses were stupefied by the feel and taste of her. He had just begun to move his mouth to them, when a loud crash alerted them to someone's presence in the kitchen. They looked wide eyed to each other, knowing it couldn't be Granny as she was already in bed for the night. Finally Winry asked what they were both thinking.

"What was that?" Winry quickly pulled her shirt back on, and in that brief period of time he was already dressed. Old habits die hard.

"Stay here and I'll go check it out." Whispering a bit harsher than he had meant, she gave him the look that said that wasn't going to happen.

"No! I'm not staying here alone!" She asserted firmly, shifting her weight to her right leg as she folded her arms across her chest, making her breasts appear even fuller.

"Okay! Stay behind me at least." Knowing it was pointless to argue, Ed grabbed her hand and led her to the stealthily to the kitchen. Walking quietly was easier now that he had his new automail. For a minute, the thought that he hoped he wouldn't have to break it in front of Winry went through his mind because she would go off the deep end for sure. Making his way into the room, Ed stopped dead in his tracks and Winry stumbled right into him not noticing that he had already stopped dead in his tracks. He was standing there as if he'd seen a ghost.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Ed was sure the apparition would disappear before his very eyes, but either way he might as well try and talk to it maybe try to make amends for not being there when he was needed the most. In an instant his eyes had begun to sting and become glassy with wetness. Opening his mouth to apologize for his mistakes, Winry's shout muffled his own words.

"Alphonse!" Winry's voice cracked over his name as she looked to him incredulous at the sight of him.

"Brother! Winry!" The cheerful sound of his brother filled the air. As soon as he spoke Winry crushed him into a massive hug, tears spilling quickly down her still pinkened cheeks. Showing no signs of letting him go anytime soon, Al attempted to breathe around the all encompassing embrace that Winry had him dead locked in. "Well I am happy to see you guys too, but there's no need to cry Winry." At his words she started crying even harder. Ed was still just standing stiffly in the corner of the room, golden eyes burning with love and happiness at seeing his little brother alive and well. Al caught sight of him and walked over with Winry still death gripping onto him. "Brother, what is going on? Why is Winry so upset right now?" Confusion furrowed Al's flaxen eyebrows together.

"I thought I had lost you Al. We have all thought you were dead until now." Ed had to bite back his tears that threatened to fall before speaking again with a wavering voice. "I thought I had failed you again." Sadness turned into anger causing him to start yelling. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE TROUBLE YOU WERE IN!? I know I don't have alchemy anymore but you are my little brother and I'm supposed to take care of you DAMMIT! What do you think we were supposed to do without you Al? What was I going to do without you, you big dumb ass!" Steam was almost visible coming from the heat of his temper.

"Brother, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to worry or upset anyone. I would never want you all sad because of me! And there wasn't anything you could have done to change our situation in Xing, so there was need to drag you into it. You have already done so much for me, I will never be able to thank you for everything you have sacrificed for me. The explosion worked to our advantage, it was actually the perfect diversion so we could safely leave Xing together. I honestly did not think the news of the explosion would even make it to you before we arrived." He tried to explain, but Winry responded by smacking Al across the head with her trusty wrench. Holding his head in pain, Ed wondered if Al now understood why it was best to always remain on Winry's good side.

"Well it certainly did! I hate to agree with Ed but you need to keep the lines of communication open so this sort of thing doesn't happen! We love you too much to have something happen to you. There is no scale that weighs our actions into too much and not enough. We are a family and families stick together." Granny appeared from the stairs with a curious look on her face.

"I was wondering what the hell was going on down here to have woken me up. I'm so glad to see you alive Alphonse, we all missed you quite a lot. I'm so relieved it's you and not these two tipping my bottle of Scotch again!" Cackling, she walked to her pipe, lit the tobacco and puffed while smiling at the information she had shared with the younger Elric.

"Tipping your Scotch bottle? Winry drank alcohol? Jeez, what all have I missed?" Al's face was a picture of complete surprise until Ed raised his hand to take the blame.

"I might have thought drinking would ease the pain of losing you a bit, as it turns out it just makes you feel worse. But to answer your question, Winry did drink Scotch and we confirmed that she is in fact Pinako's granddaughter." Seeing something move out of the corner of his eye, Ed tensed for action. "I think someone else is here."

"That's just May, she needed to freshen up from our trip here." Turning to give May a bright smile, Al walked over to her and placed a strong arm around her shoulders.

"You could have left the munchkin in Xing." Ed stated snidely with a toothy grin.

"This munchkin can take you any day. So if you don't want me humiliating you, I would suggest you practice silence. I know that's hard for you with your short fuse and all." Her dark eyes challenged him. Winry put a hand on his arm trying to diffuse a future argument. "Winry it's so nice to see you again! We are going to have to catch up tomorrow after I get some sleep." May yawned audibly as if punctuating how tired she was. Not able to help himself, Ed commented.

"That's right it past the baby's bedtime." He heard the air swish as Winry swung her wrench into his head as she began chastising him for his poor manners with a lady. He should've known that his luck had run out from the days of leniency on her part. Everyone burst out laughing when Ed nearly blacked out from the blow.

"You know brother, you are going to have to get used to May since we are engaged. She is practically family." Ed grumbled a response incoherently, not eager to be brained again anytime soon. While he found the little girl, Al's fiance, to be a nuisance it was far more tolerable since it was starting to feel like things were going back to normal again.


	8. Chapter 8

At breakfast the next morning, Ed woke early from a good night's rest and decided to surprise everyone by cooking breakfast. Making a heaping pile of buttermilk pancakes, shredded potatoes and scrambled eggs, Ed hoped that everything would taste okay. Grudgingly, he even set out some nasty milk for their family. He was just about to go upstairs and wake Alphonse up when a set of shocked, beautiful, ocean blue eyes widened at the massive meal he had laid out on the table.

"Wow...Ed, did you make all of this?" He nodded his head unsure of how things were going to be between them, considering how heated things had gotten before they were interrupted happily by his brother's smiling face. Would she pretend nothing had happened or tell him she couldn't hurt William again? Or accept him? Trying to read where they stood from her expression, he found himself being blindsided by her stunning smile, instead of focusing on finding answers written on her face. "It looks amazing, I can't believe YOU made this!" Staring at him with blatant disbelief, he laughed as he finally spoke.

"Well, I do have skills besides breaking automail and taking wrenches to the head." A cute smirk crossed her face at his comment. Tucking her sleep mussed hair behind her ear, she walked further in the room lifting an eyebrow up to him.

"Well, you certainly had me fooled all this time then." She took a few steps to stand directly in front of Ed. She was so close to him that he instantly felt an almost electric current run through the space where their bodies were next to each other. Putting her hands on each side of him on the counter top, she looked into his eyes as she smiled a smile he'd never seen before, it was mischievous and sexy. For a second he thought that she was going to kiss him, she was leaned forward enough that both of their upper bodies were tantalizingly close to each other. To his disappointment however, she reached her arm behind him to grab a glass from the cupboard. Once she had it, she backed away from him almost teasingly and gave him a wink as she filled her glass with that rancid white liquid. A few seconds later, Alphonse walked into the room next followed by his mouthy companion.

"Good morning Brother, good morning Winry." Al's presence was like the sun shining, everyone warm and happy around him. Even the small Xingese brat was noticeably happier around him, but who could blame her. They had always joked about Al having all the manners and charm, though it was clearly the truth. Winry gave Al a breathtaking smile that actually twisted his stomach not to have been the recipient of.

"Morning Al and his rude little shadow." He grinned baring all of his teeth cheekily, but stopped when he saw the face promising pain that Winry now wore. "I mean May." Hastily correcting his former statement, she seemed a bit mollified at the retraction. May nodded her head in acknowledgement without a single smart ass response, maybe Alphonse had talked to her about messing with the bull and receiving the horns. Finally Granny joined them astonished that he knew how to cook anything, let alone anything that tasted that good. Falling into a well worn routine, they all took turns catching up on each other's time that they had spent apart. Al had learned and nearly mastered Dragon's Pulse from May in Xing...though that's not all he seemed to have learned there, Ed added internally with a snicker. The way Alphonse watched every movement May made and blushed at every look from under her eyelashes glance, made him wonder if they had been intimate. Oh that was so NOT something he'd meant to think about. Shaking his head to clear the visual, Ed took another speculative look at the couple. Al appeared to move differently around May, he was protective and consistently was touching her in one way or another. If that wasn't a clear sign that something more than a few stolen kisses had occurred he didn't know what was.

After hearing about all that had gone on in Xing, he realized just how much Alphonse had grown up, and into a far better man than he was at that. Al had bravely saved May's life and never left her side, while he had been too scared to come claim Winry and start showing her the affection she deserved. Trying to keep her from harm had harmed them both. Al had trusted May to be strong enough to weather the trials and tribulations of their relationship, while he had assumed Winry needed to be sheltered from the possible complications of one with him. As if she somehow knew his mind was on her, Winry glanced up and gave him a look that gave him hope that they could renew what they once had tenfold. Hearing a knock on the door, Winry rose from the table to see who was there. Ed looked out the window to see William holding a bunch of flowers he had hastily gathered from the field down the road on the way there. Even though nothing was William's fault, Ed couldn't help the shit eating grin that spread across his lips at the thought of turning the flowers into a fist to punch William in the face with. Ah, how he missed his Alchemy sometimes. Alphonse looked to him for an answer to his apparently visible hostility. Luckily the voices that could now be heard from outside, were doing a good enough job answering that question for him.

"I KNEW you weren't just helping him through anything, and I'll just bet that story about his brother was a load of crap to get you to feel sorry for him!" William had clearly dropped the 'for your benefit' act and was entering the outright jealous arena.

"Will, we really did think that Al was dead, and I was the one who told Ed so you can hardly say he concocted this idea just to attempt to get back into my life! You knew when I started dating you that I still had unresolved feelings for him, I tried to tell you for months that I wasn't ready to be serious!" His heart skipped a beat at the possibility that he really did have a shot at winning her back. 

"Then why did you agree to going to Rush Valley together?" Realizing that everyone in the kitchen was staring at him openly, Ed gaped back at them in a 'mind your own business' manner. 

"I've been planning on going back for a year and you wanted to come and since we started dating I didn't see any harm in going together. I had no idea that Ed was coming back, but I can tell you that even if he hadn't the result would've been the same. I don't feel the kind of feelings for you that you have for me." Ed was about to jump up and cheer until he heard the next words out of Winry's mouth. "Nor do I know if I can ever feel the same for him again, so really I just need to be on my own to figure out what I want and what I can live with and without." Why had she seemed to reciprocate his feelings last night and even been flirtatious with him this morning, if she really thought she couldn't feel the same ever again? Was it just to get him out of her system? He knew he had done her wrong by running away from his feelings, but he did not want to be caught up in confused games either, because he was sure to be the loser.

"Okay, fair enough, but let me ask you this...Have you kissed him?" Everyone was completely still as Will waited for her response, of course he knew the answer but he wasn't sure what she would tell him.

"Yes, I have and I am so sor-." Being cut off almost as soon as the word 'yes' had been spoken, Winry fell silent at his next words.

"No, spare me your feigned apologies, if you had cared about my feelings at all you would have had the decency to just tell me you didn't want to be with me from the second he came back. All I want to know is why you kissed him, if you don't know if you could ever even feel the same for him again? Obviously there must be something there or you wouldn't have kissed him at all...but then again you also kissed me so maybe not." Hearing the bitterness and hurt seep into his voice, Ed felt guilty for the actions he had initiated to put them in this position. But for once him and William were definitely on the same page, since Ed also wanted to know why she had kissed him back if there was nothing there for her.

"Because I couldn't not kiss him, he was all I wanted my whole life and while logically I know that he is no good for me, emotionally I can't stay away from him. And to be honest men are the logical ones, not women. As much as I may want to be with him, doesn't mean I should be. Like you said before, sure, he is here today but tomorrow who knows, and I already know I can't take him leaving me again so now I have to figure out what I need to do. I know that you are too good for me and that as perfect as you may be for someone, that someone is not me." He couldn't blame her for being careful with her heart with him, he had brought her doubt of him on himself. If he would have just come home a year ago, she would have been mad but she would still have been his. He would just have to figure out a way to show her he wasn't going anywhere, at least without her coming with him. He had an idea, one that he would need help to accomplish, but hopefully she would know without a doubt that he was serious about his feelings for her. As the conversation outside got quieter, he asked Al to follow him out the back door, turning to speak with May as he left.

"Look May, I have to borrow Al for something and it is going to take a while, so in the meantime can you try to do everything in your power to help me with Winry. If you do this for me not only will I be indebted to you, but I will never call you a bean or make any other rude remarks to you again. I will personally help you two decorate for your wedding, even dress in traditional Xingese garb, whatever you want so long as you help her accept me for who I am now and who I will continue to be. I love her, and I know now that wherever she is...is my home." 

Nodding her head in acknowledgement as they walked out of the house, May thought to herself that Ed had sounded a bit like Alphonse actually, and how could she possibly say no to Ed when talked like that?


	9. Chapter 9

For almost a month now, Ed had been disappearing with Al every morning at the first light of sunrise and not returning back to the Rockbell's until late into the evenings, even then he generally was found falling asleep in awkward positions around the house. Just yesterday, Winry had found Ed snoring loudly with his head pressed uncomfortably on their coffee table and his body slumped on the floor. For weeks now, she had been trying to get him to tell her what they were up to when they were gone all day, to no avail. When she had approached Alphonse about it, he had been almost rude trying to get out of the conversation, which was definitely not typical to his friendly and patient attitude. 

Winry guessed that everyone in the kitchen that morning had heard the conversation Will and her had from the looks of concern May and Granny had given her when she came back in. Soon after that, Ed and Al had disappeared without saying anything at all and ever since Ed had been kind but distant towards her. Truly, she had never meant to hurt his feelings with anything she had said, but she whole heartedly meant every word. In fairness, after everything she had been through with him, how could she possibly trust him? She would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop...but then, and this was what really kept her up at night, what if he actually did want to stay with her? What if he was done traveling the country and saving the world? He had been carrying around that ring set with him for who knew how long, maybe she had meant more to him than he had let on. Then again, maybe he figured that marriage was the next step he was supposed to take, and who better to continue on with than his good ol' reliable mechanic friend? The thought that set her heart to racing and twisted her stomach in knots was wondering if she could live the rest of her life knowing what they could have, but that she had turned away from out of the fear of what could happen. The never ending debate was tearing her up, and Ed wasn't being overly talkative for her to draw upon his responses to get a feel for what the hell she was supposed to do, what with him sleeping most of the time when he was around her.

Trying to be good company, May and her had been having a lot of girl time and by a lot she meant every moment she was awake. May seemed to be attempting to be a buffer to Winry's growing aggravation and desolation at the space that was ever increasing between the brothers and herself. That time they spent together was actually more like May hovering over her, while she worked on automail incessantly while trying to keep the amber eyed man out of her thoughts. Of course this action was nearly pointless, very rarely did her mind stray far from the suddenly cool tempered man. On a few occasions, she had even gone so far as to pick a fight with the hot headed ass, with no reaction. So she had retreated into her workroom that typically served as a sanctuary from the confusion that was her situation since Winry had always been the type that if something was on her mind she would bury herself in her work to forget about it. The smell of oil and metal bringing her comfort as she tried to figure out what she wanted from life, while May was chattering away and she tried and failed to block out the conversation. When she began mentioning Al consistently coming back with cuts and bruises all over him, she had finally caught Winry's undivided attention.

"Why is Al all banged up?" Turning her magnifying goggled eyes towards May, Winry waited worriedly for an answer.

"I'm not sure, he won't tell me what him and Ed are up to, but if Ed is throwing punches at Alphonse I will be sure to return the favor." Dark eyes narrowing in anger, she continued.  "Al says they aren't training for anything to do with the military, but I'm honestly starting to wonder if he is being honest with me, considering all of the secrecy. The only time he doesn't tell me things is when it has to do with Fuhrer Mustang." Winry flinched inwardly, even though she had tried to prepare herself for Ed leaving at any time, it still hurt to have the probability rise and shoved in her face, forcing her to confront the inevitable truth, rather than just thinking about it in theory. May was most likely right, Ed _had_ been in contact with Mustang recently. Even worse, she knew that Ed had never liked him so if they were talking, it was probably about becoming a dog of the military again. Her stomach churned in anxiety at thought of not seeing him anymore, or to her abject horror, him settling down with some nameless, faceless woman from Central who knew about Alchemy and was everything that she wasn't. She must have been scowling because May now wore a concerned look. "Of course I could be wrong, they may just be getting some weird male bonding in. I never could understand men, especially those two." Stating in a rush and ending in an awkward little laugh, May was as bad of a liar as Al.

"No, you are probably right May. Ed has always had wanderlust, it's just who he is. At least I'm sure if Al is thinking about doing something like that, he will ask you to come with him." Smiling brightly at her, the small Xingese girl's gaze turned to curiosity.

"I suppose he would...but what about you, Winry? Would you go with Ed if he asked you?  That is assuming they were thinking about joining the military again." Giving her answer a lot of thought before speaking, Winry sighed.

"I don't know really. I guess if he actually asked, I would consider it, mainly because for Ed to ask that type of thing would mean he was letting me into a part of his life that he has always kept me away from, which would be a big step for him. But I honestly can't picture him considering that." Frowning at her own reply, she grew melancholy at the reality that Ed would not be asking her to come along with him if he left.

"You never know, it seems to me that he is head over heals about you, but just doesn't know how to show you in a positive or productive way. Though, that has never seemed like a talent he was gifted with." Laughing at her own words about the man, May smirked playfully.

"I used to think that but three years is a long time to go without a real sign of affection, or any for that matter. I know that accepting happiness has never come easily to him, but there comes a point when you have to learn to move forward from your past or your future will never be any better." Nodding in agreement, May paused before she answering.

"I agree, but knowing Ed, you understand better than most that he just isn't like other people. From what Al has told me about him, it seems like he has gotten so used to being alone that he probably honestly thought that you wouldn't even notice he was gone. Which we both know isn't true, but I gather that is a fact he understands now." Winry acknowledged that Ed certainly didn't think about things like anyone else she knew. Maybe he really was at a place where he was ready to share his life with her or maybe given her words about him, he had decided to reenter the military. Either way she needed to find out what the brothers were up to, and she was going to even if they weren't willing to tell her themselves. 

"May, do you want to find out what Ed and Al are up to?" Hearing the mischeivous tone in her voice, Winry grinned at the prospect of learning something they weren't supposed to know about.

"Sure, what do you have in mind?" Pulling her goggles off of her head, Winry set them carelessly down on her workstation.

"I want to go spy on them...can you keep it from Alphonse if we do?" Giggling furiously, May took her hair which was half up between her fingers and pulled it into a tight high bun while nodding.

"I'm in! I won't say anything to Alphonse, but if we do find out something we have to act like we don't know anything. Are you going to be able to do that depending on what we find out?" All humor had left her demeanor and for being so young, she leveled a quite adult stare at Winry to read her sincerity.

"Yes, I just need to know one way or the other for my own peace of mind." Winry got up from her table and put on her shoes, before turning to her companion in determination. "Let's go find them."

**Author's Note:**

> Please review!


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